Recently the Lord began to deal with me on timidity. It didn’t make sense to me at first because I thought I always said my mind at every point in time however, you don’t argue with God when He is at work in your life so… I jejely kept learning my lessons.
First I got into someone’s office and was talking and the guy kept straining to hear me (now in my mind, my voice was high, apparently it was only in my mind). The guy had to ask me to speak up or leave his office (you can imagine the embarrassment).
I left that office that day wondering what just happened and the Lord pointed me back to the lessons He was trying to teach me. If you are going to be My voice to the Nations, times are going to arise when I will need you to confront issues/people/institutions bigger and greater than you and I will not have you get there timid.
Thus my journey to overcoming timidity started, I have been on that path for a while now, some progress has been made, but that is a journey I may or may not share in the future however I thought to share one aspect of that journey today.
Remember I said in one of my recent posts that I have been introspecting. Well, I thought to trace the history of the timidity and I was surprised by what I found.
Most people in my generation can relate with being beaten for any and every reason. Some of us could have been fantastic footballers earning big money if not for the rod of correction that kept us shielding our skills. I personally was flogged for everything, just think about it and it was reason enough for my dad to flog you. My second sister Oma and I had the better share of the beatings. I remember asking my mum who my dad was as I was convinced that for my dad to flog me as much as he did, then he wasn’t my real dad.
The cane from those days partly made me the reasonable man I am today, but it also left some scars. I realized that the timidity only shows up when there is an authority figure before me hence anyone that stands in a father figure or office of authority over me, I tend to stay away from them. This didn’t change the love I have for them, however an experience from the past had framed the way I viewed fathers/authority figures. For me, they were to be observed from a distance.
There are some people in my life, when people hear me talk about them, they wonder how that can be possible as they never see me around those people. Even I didn’t know the reason why until God revealed this to me recently.
So, I remembered a conversation I had with my dad before he went to be with the Lord and he said to me “Nna, I am so proud of the man you have become. I am convinced that you will lead many people to Christ and nurture them in the true knowledge of God. Religion and denomination will draw many away from Christ but if Christ remains your focus, you will journey farther in Him. Forgive me of my excesses, that was the only way I knew how to raise you but I know that you now know that I did all of that in love”.
I remember telling him that I had forgiven him of all the supposed wrongs he did me and that I loved him. He held my hands and prayed for me before I came back to Lagos.
God had to bring me back here to show me that the thing I was afraid of had a lot of respect for me. Wow!!!
So today, I raise a glass to the new bold me, not cowering away in the face of authority, challenging the things I think should be challenged within limits that I will set for myself. Saying those things that some are afraid to say, taking up the assignment that has been laid before me.
Today I present to you….
THE BOLD ME