Life as unpredictable as it is, is really worth living if it were not to be so, the proportion of people that give up on life to those that fight for dear life would have been much higher. Don’t get me wrong, I am aware that in the past few years, suicide rate all over the world has increased astronomically but this doesn’t negate the fact that Life is worth living and worth living well.
I needed to write this because recent events, discussions and Coaching sessions have opened my eyes to the fact that Negative Emotions are major deterrents to living the good life God has promised us.
A major part of life experiences are those events that literarily rip our hearts out (most people avoid discussing them) like the loss of a loved one, a cheating husband or wife, a broken relationship, a wayward child, disappointments, an unexpected loss of a job, the list goes on and on but you catch my drift. These events occur and most people don’t know how to move past this point. There have been instances where the person just shuts down and shuts everyone else out of their lives and in some extreme cases, wish death upon themselves.
I very recently had one of those heart retching experiences and believe you me, it wasn’t funny. You know it is way easier to give other people advice and tell them to do this or say that or load them up with scriptures that will “encourage” their faith, but when you are the one in that situation, all those wise sayings seem to run away. You just find out that you are blank and it seems to suck away the zeal to pursue a good life. Questions like; Lord, why me? Why do I even bother? Am I the only one? Begin to arise and more often than not, you don’t get immediate answers.
It’s the holidays so I have some time and I decided to document some lessons I took out of this experience and share it with you, seven of them stood out, there were so many more but I would share just seven.
I had asked myself some of those questions mentioned earlier and so many others but each time I drew blanks so I decided to take a long walk and clear my head. It was during this walk that lesson number one came:
1) Never make long term decisions when you are Hurting: If you are yet to make sense of the situation, please don’t make any long term decisions, even if they are urgent decisions, you can delay making them by a few seconds, minutes or hours, you need the perspective and clarity you might gain within that time. Decisions made while angry or grieving are usually emotional decisions and more often than not, they are the wrong decisions. Clear your head, calm down, sort out whatever emotion you are feeling at that point; the anger, grief, disappointment, etc take care of that first before making that decision.
2) Don’t compress your emotions, it might lead to depression: It is important that you let out that emotion, don’t try to compress it, it is very dangerous to do so. Now when I say let out the emotions, I didn’t imply that you should go around punching people or breaking stuff or throwing tantrums (which are some of the popular ways people let out emotions) NO, I meant you should seek out a reasonable way of letting out the emotion. We are all wired differently so find what works for you (within the confines of that which is sane) and use such means to de-stressify yourself. I would either take a very long walk or hit the gym and push weights till I’m burnt out or watch football and scream at players that can't hear me lol but that’s me, find what works for you.
3) Talk about it: African men or men generally they say are not expressive most especially when it comes to verbal expression, but it would help you a great deal if you talk about what you are going through and how it makes you feel. Women are more likely to resonate with this because of the way they are wired, but men also need to adopt this too. So you can choose to see a professional Counselor, Life Coach, your Pastor, also you can talk to your personal confidant provided him/her isn’t the reason you are hurting. Sometimes, talking about it alone can do you a world of good. You can also talk about it with the person involved assuming it was someone that hurt you, but be sure to have sorted your emotions out before doing this, you need a clear head to have the right perspectives.
4) Forgive and Let go: This is the part that everyone seems to have an issue with, question always is; how can I forget about this? I hear people say I can forgive, but I don’t think I can forget, which is why I used the word “Let go”. When you let something go, popular saying is that if it is really yours it will come back, that’s not the point I want to make with that, the way I see it, you letting go reduces the influence the thing has over you hence you will notice that it hurts less as the hours or maybe days go by. The way it works for me is that I forgive in advance then gradually work on the letting go part and trust me, it helps. But you also need to be careful if it’s a loved one that hurt you because you can let go and literarily let go lol and I am not sure that’s what we are aiming to do. So if it is a loved one that hurt you, you let go of the event that occurred and not the person. There are also instances where you need to let the person go so as to aid your healing process, I would advocate that you seek professional counsel on this.
5) Have Faith and Trust again: In hurting situations, Trust is always one of the first things to go and this is very (I think I should add another very to that) difficult to regain. You feel like you were let down and this affects your Trust in God and Trust in people depending on who you decide to blame, but if you have taken step 4 above, it is very important that you step out on a limb and trust again. This will really help your healing process, it makes you feel vulnerable but if you can look beyond that immediate feeling of vulnerability into the future, you will find that the healing process won’t be so hard anymore.
6) See the Bigger Picture: If it didn’t consume you or kill you, then I believe God still has something planned for you. Two scriptures come to mind; “For I know the thoughts I have for you, thoughts of good and not of evil to give you an expected end” and “Behold ALL Things work together for your good to those that love Him that are the called according to His purpose”. A certain someone believes I have abused that second scripture, but it helps me find perspective to everything hence I don’t get too disappointed when some things happen, I just categorize them as “All things” lol. You need to see the bigger picture, though this weeping is enduring for this night, your joy will definitely come in the morning.
7) Pray in the Holy Ghost: It might be difficult to frame the right words or pray according to His will when you are hurting, so I will advocate that you pray in The Holy Ghost. I sat there looking at the TV screen, blank, not really seeing anything but my lips were moving, praying in tongues (thank God for Spirit filled understanding friends who just let me be and didn't drag me into the football arguments, everyone needs them #justsaying). After a very long while of praying in that position, I had this peace within me, I didn't know what next to do but I just knew that everything was going to be okay. The Holy Spirit is called The Comforter for a reason, He understands what you are going through and knows exactly what to say and do to sooth you.
Time has passed, I am still hurting (not as much anymore), I am healing pretty fast and I am almost at that point where it really doesn’t matter anymore, I am Living the Good Life and most importantly, I am Happy.
So what is that thing hurting you, do you want to talk about it? If you do, You can send me a mail firstname.lastname@example.org or follow me on Twitter @IamOluwaObinna or via BBM – 7C889941
IamOluwaObinna and I am committed to your Peak Performance.