Yesterday, I was reflecting on a few things and made some very amazing discoveries that shocked me. With all the love I know that my father obviously had for us, sometime just after I got into secondary school, things got very bad for him financially. And this meant that requests that hitherto would have received a nod without any questions asked, now received a scowl and an angry face when they were made.
Thinking about it yesterday, I could feel those emotions like it was just happening to me now. And I remember that my requests became fewer and fewer until it became almost non-existent. I began fending for myself and not asking for much from the home front. Even when I asked, it was with the open mind that I might not receive it, so I generally made adjustments for alternatives. I became independent.
I’m thinking about it now and it’s just dawning on me that this might have even contributed to my decision to relocate to Lagos when I did.
Dads are influential like that.
I am sure he didn’t mean to push me away, I know now that he loved me with his life. I guess he just didn’t know how not to be able to do all the thing he could easily do in the past. And the negative emotions caused by this inability was cascaded to us all.
Fast forward a few years down the line; I have some father figures in my life right now to whom I am eternally grateful because these men saw a young boy with nothing and took him up by their wings. I keep saying it that my story will not be complete without the mention of Pastor Femi Obaweya, Mr. Lanre Olusola and General Mike Ndubisi (RTD). They are my living heroes. Their lives have impacted me in a way I cannot even express here.
However, I seldom go to them as I ought to and I just figured out why. Like my relationship with my biological father, I am not sure what the response to my request will be, so I rather figure out a solution by myself than ask them or anyone else for help. You may call it pride, but I just found out that it was a deep seated flaw emanating from my past.
As I stayed more reflecting on my life, God asked me; “Obinnaya, is that not how you have approached Me? You come to Me knowing that I can do ALL things but not sure if I am willing to do it for you”. He said to me; “I am your FATHER and My love for you is never ending. I will give you every good gift for you if only you will ask Me”. God is my Father, His fatherhood is nothing like what I experienced with my biological father. He began to show me sides of Him that no man can even measure up to and it was blissFULL. Wow!!!
So I began to repent and ask God for forgiveness and for the grace to see Him as He really is. I know I have just begun the journey down a path to a new lease of life and I am looking forward to the great things that will happen to me on this journey.
I know everyone had their own experiences with their dad’s growing up, I want you to know that our dads were just being the best version of fathers they could be based on the level of information they were exposed to on fatherhood. And unfortunately, most of us have been relating to our Father in heaven the same way we related to our earthly father. I want you to pause and re-evaluate your relationship with God.
God really loves you beyond the love any earthly father is capable of. I also will not deceive myself that some people did not have horrible experiences with their dads, I know such people do exist. However, I wish to introduce you to a Father whose love is from everlasting to everlasting, nothing you have ever experienced compares to the kind of love He has to give and is very willing to heal all your wounds and create a new fatherhood experience for you if only you will give Him the chance to.
Reach out to God today, He is very willing to shower you with His unending love.
To every father and father to be out there, let the light of God shine through you to your children. I honour you and the great work you have been selected by God to do.
To my fathers who have charted the course I am following today, words will fail me to appreciate you as I ought to, but my God will bless you greatly for me. I LOVE YOU all from my heart.
Happy Father’s Day.