MEMOIRES FROM A BLEEDING HEART

I promised to post some articles I wrote during the holidays, so here goes another one of them, I look forward to getting your responses and being of help any way I can.

Cheers...

Life as unpredictable as it is, is really worth living if it were not to be so, the proportion of people that give up on life to those that fight for dear life would have been much higher. Don’t get me wrong, I am aware that in the past few years, suicide rate all over the world has increased astronomically but this doesn’t negate the fact that Life is worth living and worth living well.

I needed to write this because recent events, discussions and Coaching sessions have opened my eyes to the fact that Negative Emotions are major deterrents to living the good life God has promised us.

A major part of life experiences are those events that literarily rip our hearts out (most people avoid discussing them) like the loss of a loved one, a cheating husband or wife, a broken relationship, a wayward child, disappointments, an unexpected loss of a job, the list goes on and on but you catch my drift. These events occur and most people don’t know how to move past this point. There have been instances where the person just shuts down and shuts everyone else out of their lives and in some extreme cases, wish death upon themselves.

I very recently had one of those heart retching experiences and believe you me, it wasn’t funny. You know it is way easier to give other people advice and tell them to do this or say that or load them up with scriptures that will “encourage” their faith, but when you are the one in that situation, all those wise sayings seem to run away. You just find out that you are blank and it seems to suck away the zeal to pursue a good life. Questions like; Lord, why me? Why do I even bother? Am I the only one? Begin to arise and more often than not, you don’t get immediate answers.

It’s the holidays so I have some time and I decided to document some lessons I took out of this experience and share it with you, seven of them stood out, there were so many more but I would share just seven.

I had asked myself some of those questions mentioned earlier and so many others but each time I drew blanks so I decided to take a long walk and clear my head. It was during this walk that lesson number one came:

1)      Never make long term decisions when you are Hurting: If you are yet to make sense of the situation, please don’t make any long term decisions, even if they are urgent decisions, you can delay making them by a few seconds, minutes or hours, you need the perspective and clarity you might gain within that time. Decisions made while angry or grieving are usually emotional decisions and more often than not, they are the wrong decisions. Clear your head, calm down, sort out whatever emotion you are feeling at that point; the anger, grief, disappointment, etc take care of that first before making that decision.

2)      Don’t compress your emotions, it might lead to depression: It is important that you let out that emotion, don’t try to compress it, it is very dangerous to do so. Now when I say let out the emotions, I didn’t imply that you should go around punching people or breaking stuff or throwing tantrums (which are some of the popular ways people let out emotions) NO, I meant you should seek out a reasonable way of letting out the emotion. We are all wired differently so find what works for you (within the confines of that which is sane) and use such means to de-stressify yourself. I would either take a very long walk or hit the gym and push weights till I’m burnt out or watch football and scream at players that can't hear me lol but that’s me, find what works for you.

3)      Talk about it: African men or men generally they say are not expressive most especially when it comes to verbal expression, but it would help you a great deal if you talk about what you are going through and how it makes you feel. Women are more likely to resonate with this because of the way they are wired, but men also need to adopt this too. So you can choose to see a professional Counselor, Life Coach, your Pastor, also you can talk to your personal confidant provided him/her isn’t the reason you are hurting. Sometimes, talking about it alone can do you a world of good. You can also talk about it with the person involved assuming it was someone that hurt you, but be sure to have sorted your emotions out before doing this, you need a clear head to have the right perspectives.

4)      Forgive and Let go: This is the part that everyone seems to have an issue with, question always is; how can I forget about this? I hear people say I can forgive, but I don’t think I can forget, which is why I used the word “Let go”. When you let something go, popular saying is that if it is really yours it will come back, that’s not the point I want to make with that, the way I see it, you letting go reduces the influence the thing has over you hence you will notice that it hurts less as the hours or maybe days go by. The way it works for me is that I forgive in advance then gradually work on the letting go part and trust me, it helps. But you also need to be careful if it’s a loved one that hurt you because you can let go and literarily let go lol and I am not sure that’s what we are aiming to do. So if it is a loved one that hurt you, you let go of the event that occurred and not the person. There are also instances where you need to let the person go so as to aid your healing process, I would advocate that you seek professional counsel on this.

5)      Have Faith and Trust again: In hurting situations, Trust is always one of the first things to go and this is very (I think I should add another very to that) difficult to regain. You feel like you were let down and this affects your Trust in God and Trust in people depending on who you decide to blame, but if you have taken step 4 above, it is very important that you step out on a limb and trust again. This will really help your healing process, it makes you feel vulnerable but if you can look beyond that immediate feeling of vulnerability into the future, you will find that the healing process won’t be so hard anymore.

6)      See the Bigger Picture: If it didn’t consume you or kill you, then I believe God still has something planned for you. Two scriptures come to mind; “For I know the thoughts I have for you, thoughts of good and not of evil to give you an expected end” and “Behold ALL Things work together for your good to those that love Him that are the called according to His purpose”. A certain someone believes I have abused that second scripture, but it helps me find perspective to everything hence I don’t get too disappointed when some things happen, I just categorize them as “All things” lol. You need to see the bigger picture, though this weeping is enduring for this night, your joy will definitely come in the morning.

7)      Pray in the Holy Ghost: It might be difficult to frame the right words or pray according to His will when you are hurting, so I will advocate that you pray in The Holy Ghost. I sat there looking at the TV screen, blank, not really seeing anything but my lips were moving, praying in tongues (thank God for Spirit filled understanding friends who just let me be and didn't drag me into the football arguments, everyone needs them #justsaying). After a very long while of praying in that position, I had this peace within me, I didn't know what next to do but I just knew that everything was going to be okay. The Holy Spirit is called The Comforter for a reason, He understands what you are going through and knows exactly what to say and do to sooth you.

Time has passed, I am still hurting (not as much anymore), I am healing pretty fast and I am almost at that point where it really doesn’t matter anymore, I am Living the Good Life and most importantly, I am Happy.

So what is that thing hurting you, do you want to talk about it? If you do, You can send me a mail onyekwere.obinnaya@yahoo.com or follow me on Twitter @IamOluwaObinna or via BBM – 7C889941

IamOluwaObinna and I am committed to your Peak Performance.

JOY-FULL

I sit down most times and wonder how different life would be if only we could live and practice the things that are contained in the Word of God as it is written for us, life would be so much easier and the enemy won’t have any room to steal our joy. There are so many professing Christians these days but not many “Christians”.

Don’t mind me and my opening line, just wanted to share some thoughts that were going through my mind just before I slept last night.

I hope you have moved up higher from where you were the last time I posted on this blog? If you haven’t, don’t panic, there is enough room up here for everyone and your spot is right here waiting for you to step up and occupy it.

 If you live in Lagos like I do, you travel a lot because the time it takes you to get to Victoria Island from Ajah, is the same time it would take someone to travel from Aba to Owerri #justsaying. So I crossed the Atlantic on Sunday to visit the Mrs, who by the way is doing well, thank you for asking lol and we had a great time together. As the evening was winding down, we decided to get ice cream just before I dropped her off at home. Coldstone just opened on Toyin Street (they have to pay me for this advert) and that was where we headed. We got what we needed, continued with the jisting and laughing in the car all the way to her house (bottom line, we had fun #don'tbeef).

Just as I wanted to come down from the car, I reached for my phone and couldn’t find it, searched the entire car and it was not there. We called the number and it rang but no one answered, then we concluded we must have forgotten it at Coldstone. We had to drive all the way back and the same car that was all bubbly a few minutes ago was silent. I can’t imagine what was going through her mind, all I could think of was having to buy a new phone which wasn’t funny at all because the budget currently is stretched as it where.

But somewhere during that drive, I heard the Holy Spirit ask; “are you acting or reacting? Have you forgotten so soon that the devil comes to steal, kill and… what would be the right thing to do in a situation like this?” It was like that was what I needed to jolt me back and immediately I sent angels to secure the phone and keep it for me, I thought, if it was still ringing, then it wasn’t stolen, nothing can steal my Joy, not even my missing phone. At this point, I relaxed but still couldn't talk cos I know madam was lost in her thoughts.  

We got to Coldstone, asked the cashiers but no one saw the phone, just at the point we were about to step out, a guy walks up to us and said; “Hi guys, you forgot this on your way out, I tried to come after you but you had gone”. You can imagine the relief and the gratitude, we thanked the guy profusely and headed home, but the chit chat and the laughter that we were sharing was gone just like that.

How many times have you been in a place where you are all fired up and having a good time and something happens that just deflates the energy? The enemy is always seeking to steal your joy but you must be at alert to ensure that he doesn’t succeed, guard your heart and joy jealously, don’t give the devil room to truncate your joy. It is your responsibility to ensure that you remain Joy-Full always.

With these thoughts in mind, I consciously initiated discussions that brought the laughter back. We were both yawning by the time we got to her house, but she had a smile on her face when she stepped out of the car and I left her though tired, but smiling.

The devil does not have the capacity to steal your Joy, he only gets what you give him. I employ you not to give him the time of the day. Consistently make an effort to retain your Joy, though the storms may rage, it is only but for a while. consciously speak Joy into every situation in your life.

Peace Be Still.

Have a Joy-Full week.

I remain committed to your Peak Performance.

@IamOluwaObinna  

PREPARATIONS FOR THE SEASON

Hi,

I know you have a clearer picture what season of your life you are in now, and if you don’t, I know you are working on it. One guiding principle that can help you figure it out is to observe your quiet time and “inflect” ie look inwards and think deeply. Open up your heart and allow The Holy Spirit guide you through the process, and please do not cast any thought away as unimportant, at the best, write them down somewhere you might need to come back to it in the nearest future. I pray for you that God will order your thoughts IJMN. Like I would always say, thoughts are things.

I woke up with this persistent nudge to write this morning and when I asked what I was to write about, I was told “a follow up to your last post” and 1Kings 18:41 dropped into my spirit.

For 3years, Israel had been in a season of drought and the land was devastated. This drought was as a result of the proclamation of a man over the land. Note that Ahab was the principal defaulter here (1 Kings 16:29-33) but the entire land suffered for 3years as a result of the errors of her leader.

This tells me that the seasons of your life can also be determined by factors beyond your personal control.

This morning I stand as a messenger and as Elijah declared to Ahab and Israel, I declare to you and this Nation, “Go up, eat and drink; for there is the sound of abundance of rain”. A new season heralds upon us. By the Spirit of God, I cancel the effects of every negative proclamation that has been made over this Nation, the same tongues that spoke evil over this Nation shall declare good over her by the authority in Christ Jesus.

You need to prepare for the next season. Farmers sow towards the end of the dry season, in anticipation of the rains, Prepare for your New Season.

After making the declaration, Elijah went up to mount Carmel and bowed down to the ground in prayers, Jer 29:7 asks us to pray for the peace of our Jerusalem, this Nation is our Jerusalem, I make a Clarion call for a few worshipers who will join me on this mountain and cry out for this Nation that the Peace of God that passes human understanding may reign over this Nation.

Remember that the seasons of your life can be determined by the Season your Nation is in.

SELAH!

@IamOluwaObinna

I am committed to Your Peak Performance.

SEASON’S GREETINGS

It’s my first post in 2014 and I am really excited about it. I had written so many articles during the holidays, but for some reason didn’t have a release to post them yet so I’ll be doing so in the coming weeks. Meanwhile, let’s delve into the koko of the matter.

This post would have come last week, but I didn’t want it to be lost amidst all the New Year greetings. There might be the tendency for it to be regarded as another New Year post and hence meted the same treatment most folks give New Year resolutions lol #justsaying.

Coming into 2014, I was thinking; it’s a New year, so what? What now, what happens next, what’s the way forward? You know all those questions you ask yourself when you are evaluating your life. Sitting there evaluating the failures, setbacks, successes and progress made in 2013 and trying to set a focus for the New Year, something dropped in my spirit; I Am a God of SEASONS.

It didn’t make much sense at the time "God of Seasons", but as I eventually sat down to meditate on that one line, I began to gain more insights into it.

So I asked; does that mean we shouldn’t celebrate the New Year or what, ‘cos You made it sound like I am making too much out of the new year? I would rather you celebrate that you know what season of your life you are in was the response I got. Sensing that I was threading on deep territory, I decided to seek help from scriptures; Lord show me what you are trying to say from scriptures I asked. 2Peter 3:8 “Beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is AS a thousand years, and a thousand years AS one day.” The words “AS” jumped at me, in His eyes, the days and the years are both interchangeable, they really don’t differ from each other, but seasons count.

WOW!!!

I was seeing this in this light for the very first time, my senses were piqued to dig deeper. So teach me about seasons Lord; I will show you but a few, the rest is up to you to decipher. I accepted the deal, and by the time we were half way through I had enough study material to last me a year let me share some “Seasons/Times” with you:

Eccl 3:1-8 will be the obvious place to start from, it talks about a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to harvest, a time to gain and a time to lose, etc. I want you to read it, did you notice the pattern? It’s like doing words and opposite in primary school right? Take a minute and think about it, are there events in your life within the past one year that have seemed like words and opposite? 

Maybe I should share more scriptures;

Ps 37:39 talks about the time of Trouble, same Ps 37:19 talks about the time of Evil. Jer 8:12 talks about the time of Punishment, Jer 15:11 talks about the time of Adversity, Jer 18:23 talks about the time of Anger, Jesus Himself at some point told His disciples that His time had not come and when His time drew nigh, He told them, My time is at hand. Jesus knew what time it was, He knew His time, do you know yours?

I sat with this, and Eccl 9:11 began to make more sense; Time and Chance happens to them all... ONLY MEN WHO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS WILL SEIZE THE CHANCE WHEN THEY SEE IT. Little wonder sorcerers and seers are still in business, because from time Immemorial, men have been seeking to know the Times and Seasons so as to align their actions accordingly.

God told Abraham in Gen 18:10 “I will return to you according to the Time of Life…” so Sarah though she had passed the age of child bearing and her womb was dead as it where, but because it was “The Time of Life” received life in her inner organs to bear a son.

Can you discern what season your life is in? Many religious organizations have called for a fast and everyone is praying along with prayer points that have been set out as guidelines, but I ask you a personal question, have you aligned your prayer requests to match the season of your life that you are in? you need to be deliberate about this, sit down, take a pen and paper and chronicle the past few years of your life, do you recognize a pattern? Can you from that pattern discern what season it is for you?

As for me, God is taking me back to my roots, to when I first loved Him, that’s the season I am in now, a season of Absolute Dependence and Newness, trusting him for everything.

What Season of Your Life is it?

SELAH!!!

I am committed to your Peak Performance.

@IamOluwaObinna

WATCHING?

The easiest time for the devil to catch you is when you are not watching and truth is most times, we are not. Note that I said we because I don’t count myself out of the equation. Like we were taught in bible school, the easiest or best time for the devil to strike a believer is just after a victory while you are still celebrating and adrenalin is still high.

I’ll like to explain this using the analogy of a man/woman relationship; it is no longer news that the divorce rate all over the world has sky-rocketed, even Africa has joined the bandwagon. No matter what side of the divide of the divorce argument you are on, it really doesn’t move me because deep down, we all know what the truth is on the subject matter, whether we accept it or not is another thing all together same goes for homosexuality.

Back to the point I was trying to make, two people come together and before a congregation of witnesses (big/small) proclaim their unfailing/unwavering love for each other and then a few days, weeks, months or years as the case may be down the line, the same set of people claim to not love each other anymore and seek for divorce more often than not, siting irreconcilable differences as the reason for divorce. The way I see it for the purpose of the point I am trying to make, when a guy is still trying to get a girl or the girl is positioning herself to be wifed (hope the ladies don’t call for my head for that *winks*) you notice that they go all out to plan outings, hang out, chose what to wear, seek for ways to please and wow the intended other, then they get married and fall into routines and stop “WATCHING”.

They “stop” seeking for ways to please the other and just flow along with events as they arise after all we are married is the general attitude towards things. Throw children into the mix and gradually, attention is drawn away from each other to so many other “important” things and at the end, one question usually crops up (in the movies lol); How did we get here? Answer is very simple, you stopped watching.

When you were waiting on God for the fruit of the womb, when you were looking for a job, when the business wasn’t doing so well, when no man had come to say hi, when you didn’t have food on your table, how long did you spend seeking the face of God on these matters? How many church functions did you attend? How much time did you spend in studying the Word and praying? What was your relationship with God like?

Now you have been wifed, you have gotten that child, you have a great job, business is booming, you are married, you can afford whatever you want, how much time do spend seeking God’s face? There is nothing more to pray for baa? There are not so many battles to fight anymore abi? You don't see it yet, but things are gradually falling into a routine with God and trust me, the enemy is brewing something.

Reality is, in that state of everything being fine, do you think the one you fought to attain this victory will just go and relax and allow you have an everlasting ball? NO. He will go back and re-strategize and re-group to see if he can break you.

Have you ever been in that place where you feel you are okay in your stand with God you pray in tongues and all and then out of the blues, you do something very "un-Christianly", you commit one of the sins we usually will refer to as the weightier sins? And you wonder how did that happen, how did I get here? The response usually is; I fell into sin, sorry to bust your bubble, you did not fall, you walked right into it with eyes wide open and it was a choice you made un-aided. I have been there and I have also had time to think through the entire process asking questions as to what went wrong and each time, I have turned up with the same answer, I wasn’t watching.

Scripture says watch and pray, which means that watching alone is not enough, there also has to be a prayer backing. Jesus told Peter; The devil has sort to sieve you as chaff, but I have prayed for you, Peter did not see that the devil had plans for him but Jesus did. He was in a good place, doing well with the master, he was in a position to lead the team of disciples, he was in Jesus’ inner cacus and things were very alright, but he wasn’t watching, he wasn't aware of his environment (both spiritual and physical).

I always try to end with thought provoking personal assessment questions so here goes; are you watching? Can you see beyond where you stand right now? Are there things you can readily pin point in your relationship with God and people as possible danger signs? If yes, what are you doing or what have you done about them? Think about these things.

Don’t be caught unawares, WATCH and while watching Pray.

SELAH!

I remain committed to your Peak Performance.

@IamOluwaObinna

BUILDING MUSCLES OR ADDING FLESH

When you are as skinny as I am, every single kilogram of weight you gain or lose counts for something. I have a friend that have turned family who has never weighed above 55kg even after giving birth to the prettiest Ibadan boy I have ever met, I also recently I heard of a guy who is yet to hit the 52kg mark. When you fall into this category, every kg matters.

Some three weeks ago, for some reason I began to rigorously work out again. I say again because like so many of you reading this post, I used to have a gym membership somewhere and like you too, I must confess that it has been forever since I last went to a gym to work out.

But I took the work out sessions quite seriously this time around. Within the first week I saw significant improvements and this spurred me on. My shirts were tighter lol, I had a great bust of energy, slept better, it felt good and I got a couple of other guys to join me in the work out sessions too.

 Then I fell ill last week. As the nurses were taking my vital signs, I smiled when I saw what I weighed; the hard work had paid off. I was back at the hospital three days later for another check-up and apparently I had lost 1kg. I was so excited that it was just 1kg and I’ll tell you why I was that excited; in time past, whenever I fall ill like that, the weight loss was so drastic that everyone kept asking if I was okay and it was difficult to use the “Faith lingua” (I am well) because the look on their faces tells you that you don’t look alright.

It was on my way home from the hospital that I began to meditate on this topic and relating the difference in weight loss from this experience and my past experiences with our walk with God.

This was my deduction; because in times past I just put on flesh, I lost weight faster in times of sickness than I did when I worked out and built muscles. It takes a longer time to lose muscles than to lose flesh (that didn’t sound right but you sha catch my drift).

When you build your spiritual muscles in the place of studying, meditating on the Word, praying and fellowshipping with brethren, it is much more difficult for you to lose spiritual weight in the times of dryness which we all experience from time to time. But when you are just adding spiritual flesh ie you are okay with just what your pastor says, you don’t do any study or research for yourself, you only fellowship with brethren on Sundays, your prayer life is neither here nor there, it makes you susceptible to losing spiritual weight faster in the times of dryness.

So examine yourself and truthfully answer the question; Am I building muscles or just adding flesh?

Have a splendid week.

BE ENCOURAGED

I have not written in a long while but I felt compelled to do so tonight, and the fact that I am losing my beauty sleep over it tells you how compelling it is.

I hung out with family yesterday, it was David’s birthday and amidst the wining and dining and laughter, It hit me how far God has brought us all. We were almost complete from the original group of us that started out, at least the bunch of us around formed a quorum. The beautiful thing was that there were wives and children now involved in the mix, the men were standing in a corner gisting about I can’t remember what lol, the women were seated with the children or in some instances running after the children all looking cute and pretty, there were just two of us that didn’t show up with our wives; So’Kleen because his wife had to be somewhere with his daughter and I because my wife is…….

I know all you aploko people will want to follow up on that last line, so follow me on twitter @IamOluwaObinna lets talk more about it #tongueout.

But the beautiful picture in that garden yesterday took me back about five or six years ago when we were mostly starting out. Scripture says despise not the days of little beginnings and that is so true. I still remember like yesterday when we used to rejoice over getting 500 naira for 4 hefty men to feed with. I remember holding a 3 to 4 hours worship service for bread and eggs that was delivered by a kind neighbour who wasn't aware that boys had gone for a long while without food to eat. I remember embarking on compulsory prayers and fasting not necessarily because we had any special thing to pray for but because we didn't have food to eat and had exhausted all our credit facilities which by the way was almost non-existent. I remember our ark of covenant (Tosin’s car) being on red for so long that after a while, the red light stopped coming up because we never fueled it enough to bring it out of the red zone and on the rare occasions when we will buy much fuel say like 2k worth, the thing will be on red though the pointer is showing we had at least half tank. In my mind I’m thinking the car is so sure there was a special occasion or maybe we were going for showers so it didn't want to waste energy ‘cos it was coming back to red zone soon.

It’s not a pity party I’m just going down memory lane. The guy someone was running after today hailing him chairman and asking that he bless his boys, I saw that same guy a few years back breakdown in tears and cry like a baby because of how hard things where.

You might be going through a situation right now and don’t have a clue where help could possibly come from or how long the situation is going to last for, it might seem like nothing is working out for you and everyone you had hoped will be a helping hand has disappointed you. It might seem like the end of the road, you might even have contemplated suicide (you are not the first to do so). One of us described it as the feeling of carrying a caterpillar on your chest while sleeping (it’s a horrible experience; believe me I've been there). The situation might be so bad that it has stolen your joy and sleep, it might have turned you to a prayer point for friends and family and they are praying not to mock you but in love. Your younger ones that are still in school might be the ones rallying round seeking for how to help you (I believe someone needed to hear that last line), people around might even have called you names.

I don’t know what your case is but my God woke me up tonight to tell you this: He says “I know the thoughts that I think towards you, they are thoughts of GOOD not of evil to give you an expected end” He says; “Many are the afflictions of the RIGHTEOUS, but I deliver him from them all”. My ears are not deaf to hear your cries says the Lord but I need you to build muscles.

I encourage you, hold on, be strong, don’t lose hope, don’t lose faith, keep keeping on and in no distant time, you shall be celebrated. My God is on your case and He is mighty to save. If only He can open your eyes to see where He is taking you to, then you won’t have to worry about any thing.

It is important to note that your case might be on a Long thing if you are yet to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal savior but that can be remedied now.

If you’ll like to receive Christ into your heart, kindly say this prayer with me: Lord Jesus, I come to you this day acknowledging that I am a sinner and that you died on the cross to save me, I confess my sins before you and I forsake them, I invite you into my heart, be my Lord and Master, Thank You for saving me in Jesus’ mighty name I pray.

If you just said that prayer with me, congratulations you are now born again, kindly seek a bible believing church in your area and fellowship with them. God is on your matter; also know that I’ll be praying for you.

As we were leaving the event yesterday, there was joy in my heart, the same guys that all used to ride in one ark were driving out in their own cars, some brand new some fairly used but none a model before 2008. Call me vain, I agree, but I have a taste for the finer things of life and I also have a good memory of where God has brought us from hence I notice those vain details.

I will like to end with a scripture I love so much ‘cos I just asked for permission to sleep:

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which SHALL be revealed in us.

No matter what it is you are going through, just note that your best days are yet ahead.

May my God strengthen and encourage you.

This is me wishing you a great week ahead.

Shalom!